We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
3 2 1 whiskey
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
