i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
