Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
