you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
