There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
false alarm. still invincible.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
