Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
