i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
