If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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