you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
