Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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