he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
