I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she looked like the before picture.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
