The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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