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• (858): View more from California

  I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.

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• (925): View more from California

  Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

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• (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  The porch is breathing.

  (813): View more from Florida

  STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.

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