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I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.