yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.