How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.