did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
