Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.