This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx