Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
