I hope mine doesn't look like that
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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