the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
