She's like a pop up book from hell.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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