it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
