No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize