You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
