Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize