he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
