Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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