HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
