The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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