last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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