I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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