All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
