I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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