shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
