I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
