Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
