Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
