its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
