How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
