I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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