my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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