I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize