how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
