This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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