i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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