You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
