He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
