Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
