dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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