hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
