I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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