By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
