I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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