we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
