I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
