my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
