So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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