I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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We're not piercing ourselves today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.