I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.