I want to make a zoo with you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
