Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
