I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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