Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize