i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize