Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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