I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.