If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?