the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He kissed a someone with a penis
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??