I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
