She is in my trunk
I just threw up on my dentist
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
