Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just high enough for therapy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
